"I'm Done: Enough is Enough. I Will No Longer Tolerate Being Mistreated. I Choose Me."

Not many people take the courageous step to act upon their true desires. It requires profound bravery to declare: "I'm done. Enough is enough. I will no longer tolerate being mistreated. I choose me."

...and actually walk away.

“Mistreated?” you may wonder.

Yes.

This experience can vary significantly from person to person. What I tolerate might differ from what you tolerate. Yet, deep down, we all recognize when we are being mistreated.

Understanding Mistreatment

What do I mean by mistreated? It encompasses being:

• Disrespected

• Devalued

• Humiliated

• Unappreciated

• Yelled at

• Lied to

• Manipulated

• Gaslit

• And more...

  
  

Often, we fail to realize that we are not merely victims of those who mistreat us; rather, we become enablers. We allow others to mistreat us. We stay silent, strive to "keep the peace," or resign ourselves to the belief that "this is as good as it gets." It is only when we acknowledge that WE are part of the problem that we can change this pattern.

Recognizing this truth is the most empowering moment—it allows us to reclaim our authority over our lives and establish healthy boundaries, declaring, "no more."

When I Finally Said "I Chose Me!"

I was courageous enough, or you might think I was crazy enough, to say enough is enough.

Last year, as I faced the impending death of my mother, I experienced immense stress and heartbreak. To my surprise, during this time I realized for the first time ever, that people who were closest to me for years were the ones who respected me the least. When I realized this, I knew that it had more to do with me than with them.

I not only lost my mother but also my job, mentors, pastors, community, husband, and, to some extent, my daughter, who moved out upon learning about the end of my marriage. I lost almost all my social support in less than 3 months.

Unable to fully disclose what transpired with my mentors and pastors of almost 15 years, the community I helped build and was part of, chose to believe a warped narrative about me, leaving me alone, discarded, and excluded. I was left alone in deep grief and trauma. All this after being in therapy healing from deep-rooted rejection and abandonment, and working on my healing journey for over 30 years and also helping others walk in this courageous path of self-discovery. HA! The irony!

I resigned from my position in this beautiful healing place I was part of. A month later, my mom was passing away. A month after that, I was separating after 30 years with my spouse, and my daughter moved out. I found myself completely isolated from all the people I loved and thought loved me back.

This experience was incredibly challenging and sorrowful. Yet, amidst the heartache, there was also profound relief.

Relief? Yes!

The craziness and the noise stopped.

R E L I E F...

It was relief of not feeling lonely, unseen, misunderstood or unwanted, having to defend myself, beg for love and attention, or walk on eggshells at home.

Relief of not wondering 24/7 if my mom was okay.

Relief for not having to constantly figure out what was going on around me at work. Or hearing about people talking behind my back or wondering if I was being lied to.

Relief of not having any more false expectations on anyone around me.

And that relief signaled I was on the right path.

Relief. Silence. Stillness. Peace...

A peace that surpassed all understanding—a peace that had been robbed from me by every single person I had chosen to surround myself with.

And the key phrase here is "I had chosen."

It's not that other people were the problem. Everyone has behaviors, wounds, pain, etc. But the problem was ME—choosing to stay in toxic situations and relationships. Me not setting boundaries. Me not speaking up. Me not making difficult decisions. Me not choosing myself.

When I was surrounded by people I felt alone.

Then suddenly, I was completely alone, yet I had never felt so alive...

Suddenly, I felt free and light. I had the opportunity for the first time in 52 years, to think about me instead of others, and to figure out what I liked, needed and wanted. My cortisol levels decreased. Consequently, my inflammation diminished, and I lost a significant amount of weight—weight I had struggled to shed for over 15 years!

In the past 12 months, I have finally put into practice every single tool I have picked up in my healing journey and experienced everything in my body, not just in my mind. I GREW through it. I didn't avoid my feelings. I faced them. And I grew closer to God as I felt held by His presence and acceptance as I stumbled into wholeness in this season.

Despite the pain, it has all been worth it. Choosing me has been worth every tear.

Next month marks a year since all this lovely mess began. Almost everything around me had to stop existing as it was. The death of my mom, the end of my marriage, and the loss of almost all my relationships, have given me my life back.

As difficult as this has been, the truth is that I feel the most alive I ever have in my 53 years of life. And it all began by CHOOSING ME. Choosing to stop choosing others over myself.

Why Share This Story?

I share this story because I know many people experience similar struggles. I hear it all the time in our support groups and meetings. We often perceive ourselves as victims of others' behavior, but the truth is—we are not! We are victims of our lack of awareness and our own choices.

We often set ourselves on fire to help keep others warm. How crazy is that?

The good news is: If we got ourselves into this mess, we can also find a way out. We can choose better. We can stop allowing people to mistreat us. When we know better, we choose better, and we do better!

And if necessary, you too can walk away... When you do, you will embark on the most rewarding journey of your life—the path of self-love and awareness. Here, you can learn to love yourself as God loves you, and then extend that love to others.

And here's another revelation from this process:

Allowing Others to Mistreat Us Is Not "Christ-like." It's Not Patience, and It's Not Love for Others. It's a Lack of Self-Love.

Let that sink in.

First things first.

Choose yourself.

Enough is enough.

Are you ready to take charge of your life?

You may have to shed a few relationships. Maybe not all, but certainly the ones you keep complaining about and maybe not permanently. Just enough to see what it truly looks like to be left without anyone to blame for your stuff.

Contact me for a session or to join my next virtual class or an online Growth Group. With creativity and compassion, I can help you navigate life's challenges and grow into the person you were always destined to be. Email me at *letsgetreal2gether@gmail.com or text me at (786) 488-8867